Wet Feet and a Day-Changing Text

On my way to get lunch today, I saw a park that looked too inviting to pass up.  I pulled in, grabbed a book and started feeling my way through the wet grass to find a place to sit. Within moments of arriving at the paradise that had lured me from the road, I was irritated with the groundskeepers for watering so late, disappointed that there were so many people taking up what appeared to be the best spots, and rolling my eyes at the bank of clouds that must have taken cue to open up on my arrival.

For no reason at all, I stayed. As I found a damp spot to settle in, a text message rang through on my phone. A friend explained that he had just opened a fortune cookie informing him that he was to receive a cheerful letter or message before the day was over. “Wanted to give you the job if you’re up for it.” He said.

For the first time since getting to the park, I clued into my negativity. I was sure I was not the best candidate for the job, but took his challenge anyway. I started trying to think of an uplifting quote to share.  Nothing came to mind. While searching my brain for a suitable response, I looked up. I noticed sunlight glimmering in the raindrops before they hit the ground, and heard birds chirping in the tree above me.

My thoughts were interrupted: “Tyler!  “Tyler, where are you going?”  I heard from the other side of the wet field.

I looked up to see a young woman trying to get the attention of a mentally disabled man who was wandering out into the storm. Another man grabbed a ball and ran out into the rain to play catch with Tyler. Both were unfazed by the weather.  The woman stayed under the pavilion playing games with another group of mentally disabled people who were laughing and teasing each other.

I watched them for a moment smiling when I was startled by a dog licking my hand.  I heard giggling in the background as some young girls tried to call him back to them. There must have been at least 5 kids walking, running, and dancing three dogs through the puddles. “Sorry, sorry!” they laughed as they carried on their way.

A woman and her husband pulled up in their car and set up some folding chairs under the shelter of a tree. They sat together and shared lunch while staring into the clouds that were already beginning to clear. My “cheerful message” began to form: I guess sometimes all we have to do is stop and look around for a minute to see good things.

The clouds are full

And again there is rain

But the sun still shines

And birds still sing

The streets are filled with laughing voices

Dancing in rainstorms,

And making choices:

To see beauty in darkness…

Hear music in thunder.

It’s good friends

Not wet shoes

That Inspire their wonder.

Doubting & Hoping

I spend a lot of time hoping that things will get better. 

I hope that tomorrow I will be less tired,

And that my chocolate addiction will magically disappear ;)

I hope my brother-in-law will stay healthy,

And that he and my sister will have the family that they dream about.

I hope my doubts about religion and God will be resolved,
And my faith will remain with me.

I hope the pain of today will dissipate

For me and everyone around me.

I hope that we will love each other more fully

And that our differences will cease to limit our relationships.

I hope the contradictions I find when I gain knowledge

Will one day fit together like a precisely configured puzzle,

...That those segments I just cannot find a home for

Will be perfectly placed when I finally see them in full context.

Almost as often as I hope,

I doubt.

I calculate my disappointments

And heap them with the tragedies of the entire history of humanity.

My realist-self serves as a nagging reminder that there are no guarantees.

It's tempting disconnect and tempting to give up
When I know it's possible that change may never come.

Lately, I've spent a lot of time doubting;

And a lot of time feeling exhausted because of it.

So, I've decided to focus on hoping again.

To tally up the successes and the miracles

And the tiniest shuffles of progress.  

Peace and motivation have not come in hoping...

But rather in acknowledging

That I am a part of the world I want to see change.

It does me little more good to hope

Than it does to doubt,

If all either means is that I’m really just waiting

Change will happen so much faster

If I choose to be involved in the progress I ache for.

I don’t believe I can make that much of a difference

But any difference is better than none.

It feels so much better to be working toward a dream

Than it does to pass time waiting, doubting or even hoping for a question mark ending.

I spend a lot of time hoping,

And I spend a lot of time doubting;

But I feel most at peace

When I am actually doing.